Quote:
Originally Posted by Electronic M
Sandy be glad of one thing: your Grandma seems to have had a constant hatred of boys of all ages so you had consistency.
I have an Aunt on the other side of the family who's hatred is age dependent....She thinks babys n' YOUNG kids are kute as chit, and drools over all the men, but viscerally hates boys. She even decided she wasn't going to have kids if it could not be guaranteed she'd have a girl (which is good since IMHO that kinda level o' loony shouldn't procreate). From infancy to maybe age 8 I had this fascination over the seemingly majikal contraption known as a Vacuum cleener (probably cause I watched the hell out of a movie called "The Brave Little Toaster" when I was an ankle biter). Whenever I'd visit that ants house after the usual howdy doodys I'd go straight to they closet they kept theirs in, opened it and went "hello vacuum!"....She thought it was cute as hell till I became what she classified as a "boy" at ~3-5 years old, then without warning she screamed somthin mean at me when I did it...I was a bit hurt/shocked as I did not know what I'd done wrong....After that they tended to not give me gifts on the holidays and my younger cousins who also happened to be girls got all that nut's affection....Sweet, sweet revenge happened at one party when I was ~6-8, the last party before those nutz mooved to las-vargas IIRC.
Sometimes God will see that someone who wronged you needs a good kick in the ass and will use you as the instrument to that end without your knowledge....Someone had booked a wing of a restaurant for a soiree. I had a tonne of fun and so did my little cousins as we played together, the shed-evil had layed out a huge spread of presents for my cousins and got me bumpkiss. The folks did an xpert job o' savin my feelings by sayin' "Those toys are for babies! You don't want baby toys, Tom" and right they were. Later on we were eating, and I had a steak....Now you gotta know at the time I was just startin' to cut my own meat n' they gave me nextra tough customer ta eat....Da shed-evil was sittin' a good ways a way. I remember distinctly havin a piece almost cut n' tryin REAL hard to finch the job soz I could eat it, and then it TOTALLY disapperin'....It was SO gone that after lookin' round briefly I concluded I must not have had the piece in the first place n was immaginin havin a near done slice, n so carried on hackin like nutin happened. Mom saw what happened n was the only one (cept maybe dad who she let in on it, IIRC they were supresing laughter)....About that time through some quirk of physics a piece of misteak alighted a top the perm of da shed-evil herself a good ways away and behind me...She looked around angrilly, but could not locate the source (me).   To add insects to injury, apparently my folks had just (the last few days) invited all my relatives there cept da shed-evil and her hubby to my upcommin birthday party...N at the end I got up (cheerful out goin social butter-fly I wuz back then) N said "uncles, uncles the party is gunna be at my place!"...Inadvertently rubbin it in/anouncin we left HER out.
Instant-karm-a-lized steaks gunna got her. (to butcher some beatels musick) |
Oh, yeah. Birthdays, X-mas, all that was a Big Deal for Miss Izzy-Paternal granny. I'd get a call maybe 9.00 AM, "Nonny"-Miss Izzy- wants to give you "A little something for yr Birthday. Oh, Lord, PLEASE let me have that stroke I've been working on.. She'd always give you 50 bux for b -days, maybe 100 for X-mas. The catch was, She OWNED yerass the rest of the day. You had to haul her around al over Hell & half of Georgia.. I can go to a grocery "Stow"-as she called 'em spend maybe half an hour, & I'm outta there. NEVER worked that way w/miss Izzy.She NEVER would get more than a couple of items, but you had to take her all over town, she'd check the prices at THIS Stow, & THAT Stow, & you'd ALWAYS have to take something back, 'cause THAT Stow was gonna charge her 10 cents more than the 1st Stow did. And she got to hold court & visit w/all the other Little old Ladies... WORST trick she ever pulled was make me stand in the Egg line, & she'd swap the smaller eggasfor larger ones. I'd stand there, play dumb, & hope & pray nobody noticed-Which they ALWAYS did.. I'd just get a very pained look on my face, & the egg dept guys would be rolling all over the floor, laughing so hard. I never really found out how much Doh-Rey-Me she really had, but I think I could prolly have bought every other AK denizen a G-33K, if they wanted it. But the Gummint got it ALL, she never would let us try to keep a little bit from the tax man. My Uncle told me they ended up givin' Uncle Sugar 78% of everything she had. I got a house, & was told I was lucky I didn't have to sell it to pay My Fair Share. I've been told by tax guys & accountants there was NO WAY we could have ended up owing that much, but we did. Apparently, when someone busts the 100 year old age thing, the Gummint gets to do about whatever they want. I remember one birthday, I saw a jade plant & got it. THAT threw Miss Izzy into overdrive, she started speaking in tongues because I was WASTING money... Some of you might have trouble believing me on all this. I will admit to being a pretty decent "Artiste De Bullchip", but there's NO WAY I could ever dream up anything THAT good..